Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
