after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
