I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
