I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
