You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
