Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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