He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
