she smelled like a LAN party
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
