but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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