things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
