a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
