Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize