You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
