Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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