The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
