Plan B is the new Plan A
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
