so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
