Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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