I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
