Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
