i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
