I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
