Soap is not a condiment
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
God I need to hump something, right now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
