I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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