apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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