just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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