The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
