I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
