i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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