Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
