Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
