the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
