Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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