is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
