Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
