I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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