I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
