he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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