Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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