omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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