I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
