I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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