Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize