I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
