I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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