At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
