lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
do nipples grow back?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
