I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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