The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Maybe he injected his testicle?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
