I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
