I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
