I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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