At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize