dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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