my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
