I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
