i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
