Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize