so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
