I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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