If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
