you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
