Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
