man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
