Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
