I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
even my farts smell like vagina
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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