You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
