i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
