hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
