So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
