You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
