Pappa wants mamma naked
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You made out with two different species that night
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
